Me Too in 2023:

 I don't know about you but what a decade 2023 has been so far....the world's on the brink of war, you need a mortgage to buy a pack of butter, and to top it all off, harassment of women, both virtual and face to face, is worse than ever. I've never known anything like it. I can only speak for myself of course and truth be told, I feel a bit nervous writing about this -the original title was 'Me too in 2022' so you can only imagine how long I've been mulling it over for.

I've recently read ''Sex Power Money' by Sara Pascoe -click here to check it out, and it's given me so much food for thought.  I've also recently done a course that has made me see how different growing up as a teenager in the late 90s is to teenagers who grow up now, where, particularly male behaviour, accepted back then as 'boys being 'boys and 'banter' would no way be acceptable now.

Sara Pascoe puts forward what at first I found a bit of a controversial idea but, having thought about it, based on my experience, she's right on the money.  Basically she-and a lot of the book is rooted in psychology which is a bit over my head-puts forward the idea that basically women are wired that they associate men with danger.  

You might be thinking 'woah, that's a bit full on', but think about it.  I know as someone whose first sexual experience was being sexually assualted by someone I knew- I'd waited until I was 18 to meet the right person and hoped and dreamed my first time would be special, loving, consensual.  It was quite the opposite.  I've had counselling over the years but, understandably, this first experience of intimacy with a man shaped me and affected my attitude towards men and sex, in a different way to if my first experience had been how I hoped and wished for.

Since that first time I've had mainly long relationships, both of which were with people who I eventually realised were narcissists, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, but not exactly developing healthy patterns.  My most recent relationship, even though I'm not with that person anymore, was the first healthy adult relationship I've had, and I will always be grateful for that person showing me what love really is, that someone who truly loves you won't try to change you, they will accept you as you are, flaws and all.

So yeah, danger, think about it.  When I had my car, the first thing I would do when I got in was double lock the doors.  When I'm walking alone at night(I try and avoid this for safety reasons, but sometimes it's unavoidable,) if I notice a man walking behind me my hackles are immediately up.  

And it's not just in the real world, the virtual world is as much of a minefield.  I have quite high privacy settings on Instagram now but, when I first set up my current profile, it wasn't a rare occasion to get a d*** pic from a complete stranger.  I've done live streams where people have made comments ranging from 'show your body'-sexist but tame- to guys who(I never figured out if they were saying it just for attention) actually said 'slow down, I'm c**ing.'

One of my friends posted on Instagram last year a post that made me think, it simply said

'A woman posts a picture wearing shorts.  There are no sexist comments.  Just imagine.'

We've become so used to unsolicited comments on our bodies, although we've come a long way from walking past a pub in a low cut top, where lads shout 'get your tits out,' that we are just used to it, and I find that a really sad state of affairs  Those comments are now predominantly online -in my experience -but they still smart.  I find myself more self-conscious than ever about what I wear for this very reason.

There've been times where I've wondered if Me Too has gone too far, clearly the majority of men out there -I have some truly terrific male friends who, although there might be a bit of a flirt sometimes, know where to draw the line.  But while women are still subject to sexist abuse,both online and in person , we still have work to do and I really feel that starts with the way men are brought up.  As Sara Pascoe writes in her book, men are brought up seeing certain types of behaviour in porn that they see as normal.  Certainly teaching boys and girls about consent is vital.

If you want to watch a series that addresses these issues in more detail, I highly recommend 'I May Destroy You' by Michaela Coel, watch here

I'm aware I've barely scratched the surface on this topic here, but I hope that it gives you something to think about, and that by sharing my experience it helps somebody.