The Rebel Poetess

As you may know, this year I moved three times in six months.   Moving in itself is stressful enough, when you're going through the trauma of the break up of   a ten year relationship, and major health issues- well to use a cliché the straw that breaks the camel's back. With all three moves, I had very little time to prepare.   In a weird way, this was the best approach for me.   When you have anxiety, the slightest thing can cause your heart rate to rocket.   An invitation to a party, giving a presentation at work, even a car backfiring can make you leap out of your skin. The first move was...for a writer I'm lost for words.   Chaotic.   I had made the decision to move but only had three hours to pack up what was most precious to me, and run for the hills, metaphorically speaking.   The second was super easy and practically stress free. The third move, however, has been extremely stressful.   I didn't move very far, but I have ...

I don't remember where I was when Elvis Presley was found dead(on the toilet of all places. ) I don't remember where I was when Neil Armstrong walked on the Moon.   I don't remember where I was when John Lennon was shot dead. Because I'm a child of the 80s.   I wasn't alive when those major news stories broke.   But I can tell you I was 15 my Mum woke me up after getting in from her Night Shift to tell me Princess Diana had died in a tragic RTA in Paris. Tony Blair was all over the news that day, the TV coverage showing crowds laying flowers at Westminster Palace. My Auntie actually went there to lay flowers. I can tell you when 9/11 happened I was living in Liverpool, in the Kensington area, in a three way student house share, one of the girls I was sharing with came into one of our rooms clutching the Liverpool Echo, the now iconic image of the Twin Towers ablaze silenced our idle chatter, and chilled us to the bone. I can tell you when Grenfell ...

Hello. It's Me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet? There's one problem. I don't feel safe at the moment. Nowhere is a safe space.   The places I used to found sanctuary, I now find scary.   I'm constantly anxious and fearful. Because he's still out there. Living his life. Getting on with things. Well I can't move on until I feel safe.  There is a lot of help out there.  I'm using the help.  I'm accepting it now,  That's been the part of this whole process I've found the hardest. I have always prided myself on being independent, self-sufficient, and not needing other people. Because forgiveness and acceptance are not the same thing.  I forgave my ex-boyfriend the moment I walked out of the door.  I looked him in the eye, and I said to him, 'you are a domestic abuser, and you will never be able to live with what you have done, until you have accepted it.'  Forgiveness was surprisi...

Very brief post(hopefully.)  Yesterday brought a new month and coming soon the start of a new season -autumn in the UK. My cousin Magnificent M, and her fella P, live in New Zealand.  They are desperate for me to move out there. I am extremely tempted, with my qualifications and work experience I should score really highly on the skilled Migrant list.  Just gotta save some dollars first, I'm thinking like two years time?  It's a pipe dream anyway. But enough about me, how are you doing?  Currently sat in the gym cafe eating Overnight Oats after an Abs Blast class.  Compare to a year ago I was probably cooking a Roast and munching on Percy Pigs -what kind of monster have I become?! In all seriousness, I never would have guessed a year ago I would no longer be with my ex-boyfriend, that he would break up with me in the middle of the night when I was having an asthma attack, that I would have to leave the household due to three incidents of domestic ...

I had a really happy childhood. It was a typical childhood of the 80s. Playing in rivers. Making dams. Swimming in the sea. Feeling the sand under my feet.  I was a sickly child but I was always happy.  I grew used to the Drs appointments and the hospital visits. My attitude was always to just get on with it and keep smiling. But the adulthood has been extremely unhappy. Two long term relationships. Both abusive. Other trauma.  Big deal. Who hasn't been through shit in their lives?  Because life isn't about things being rosy all the time. What family isn't dysfunctional, Because I know one who is. The Royal Family. Maybe that's why the world is captivated by them. They fuck up in public. Prince Philip always puts his foot in it. Fergie is always embarrassing The Royals. The black sheep of the family. Well we know what happened to Princess Di. What the new generation of Royals have done for Mental Health is nothing short of superhuman. Because people aren't afr...