The Rebel Poetess

As you may know, this year I moved three times in six months.   Moving in itself is stressful enough, when you're going through the trauma of the break up of   a ten year relationship, and major health issues- well to use a cliché the straw that breaks the camel's back. With all three moves, I had very little time to prepare.   In a weird way, this was the best approach for me.   When you have anxiety, the slightest thing can cause your heart rate to rocket.   An invitation to a party, giving a presentation at work, even a car backfiring can make you leap out of your skin. The first move was...for a writer I'm lost for words.   Chaotic.   I had made the decision to move but only had three hours to pack up what was most precious to me, and run for the hills, metaphorically speaking.   The second was super easy and practically stress free. The third move, however, has been extremely stressful.   I didn't move very far, but I have ...

Hello. It's Me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet? There's one problem. I don't feel safe at the moment. Nowhere is a safe space.   The places I used to found sanctuary, I now find scary.   I'm constantly anxious and fearful. Because he's still out there. Living his life. Getting on with things. Well I can't move on until I feel safe.  There is a lot of help out there.  I'm using the help.  I'm accepting it now,  That's been the part of this whole process I've found the hardest. I have always prided myself on being independent, self-sufficient, and not needing other people. Because forgiveness and acceptance are not the same thing.  I forgave my ex-boyfriend the moment I walked out of the door.  I looked him in the eye, and I said to him, 'you are a domestic abuser, and you will never be able to live with what you have done, until you have accepted it.'  Forgiveness was surprisi...

Very brief post(hopefully.)  Yesterday brought a new month and coming soon the start of a new season -autumn in the UK. My cousin Magnificent M, and her fella P, live in New Zealand.  They are desperate for me to move out there. I am extremely tempted, with my qualifications and work experience I should score really highly on the skilled Migrant list.  Just gotta save some dollars first, I'm thinking like two years time?  It's a pipe dream anyway. But enough about me, how are you doing?  Currently sat in the gym cafe eating Overnight Oats after an Abs Blast class.  Compare to a year ago I was probably cooking a Roast and munching on Percy Pigs -what kind of monster have I become?! In all seriousness, I never would have guessed a year ago I would no longer be with my ex-boyfriend, that he would break up with me in the middle of the night when I was having an asthma attack, that I would have to leave the household due to three incidents of domestic ...

Hello...is it me you're looking for?! Hello, blogosphere. How are you doing? Apologies for the radio silence. I've been out of area. I've been out of the contact zone. I've had time and space to think about what I want.   And my mind has never been sharper or clearer.   My body never more lean or toned. And my mind never sharper or more well balanced. Because -I'll put my cards on the table here. I'm looking for love. Inconvenient, soul searching, makes you weak at the knees love. Rainbows, fireworks, unicorns. I thought I had it once. That was not love. I moved on, thought I'd found another rebel heart. I was mistaken. That person did not love me. You do not hurt someone you love in that way. Because ultimately, the most important relationship you can have in life is with yourself. You have to get that cracked before you can enter another relationship. -with another human. Anther person does not complete you. Well; I've been work...

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