Looking for Love

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Hello...is it me you're looking for?!


Hello, blogosphere. How are you doing?

Apologies for the radio silence. I've been out of area. I've been out of the contact zone. I've had time and space to think about what I want.  And my mind has never been sharper or clearer.  My body never more lean or toned. And my mind never sharper or more well balanced.

Because -I'll put my cards on the table here. I'm looking for love. Inconvenient, soul searching, makes you weak at the knees love. Rainbows, fireworks, unicorns. I thought I had it once. That was not love. I moved on, thought I'd found another rebel heart. I was mistaken. That person did not love me. You do not hurt someone you love in that way.

Because ultimately, the most important relationship you can have in life is with yourself. You have to get that cracked before you can enter another relationship. -with another human. Anther person does not complete you.

Well; I've been working on myself. Meditation, yoga, tranquillity. Writing like my life depended on it. Body conditioning, as well as mind workouts.  I might have a little wobble sometimes. This has been a lot of trauma to deal with. I thought the only way out of my situation was to leave. Cut all ties and run for the hills. 

Well it turns out there was a secret third option. One I didn't even consider or see on the multiple choice form. Because I thought I had found the one. I thought I'd found love. Well I did, but it wasn't enough. I need more. You were honest right from the start. You said you couldn't make me happy or give me what I want long term. I respect your honesty. You are  significant. I hope we will always be in each other's lives.

But there's been a radio silence, and I've had time to think. You were right. I do need more. I'm 36, not 26. I want soul searching, heart thumping, inconvenient love. Rainbows, unicorns, fireworks. I love you. I do. But it's not enough.

I want you to hit up my DMs, I want you to Snapchat your selfies. I want you to Instant Message your intentions.. I want you to email me  our crisis meeting co-ordinates.
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I want contact. Lots of contact. Physical contact, Spiritual contact. Eye contact. I want so much contact my knees are weak, my throat is raw from talking all night, and I can't walk straight from nights of passion.

Because I know love when I see it. I was just lost in the woods. Love was there all along. I just couldn't see it. You were waiting fr me in the clearing. I just couldn't see the wood for the trees. But I'm exposed and vulnerable.  I'm scared of getting hurt again.  I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve. But I'm afraid to make the first move. Love is a risky business.

But so is life, and so is banking.  I f we never took risks, we would never do anything. We wouldn't get up in the morning We wouldn't get dressed and leave the house. We wouldn't go to work. or go on an adventure, So we have to adhere to the rules. So I'm playing by the rules, in the game of life.  But I need you to make contact.

My clock is ticking, and I don't have an unlimited ticket on the meter. So the ball is in your court. And that's it from me.

You hang up...no you!

Reading: Russeell Brand; Recovery -Freedom from our Addictions

Watching; Love Island

Beauty: The Body Shop Nourishing Honey Face Mask

Food: Bacon(fuel&meat fest)

Drink: Prosecco

Travel: anywhere and everywhere(Cheshire, Liverpool, and the Wirral Peninsula)

Current obsession: mermaid culture

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