The Rebel Poetess

Hello.  How are you doing?  I'm goooood.  A little deprived of the D, but ya know #firstworldproblems. My ex-Boyfriend was obsessed with size. The size of his bank balance(and mine.)  The size of the food packets, from the ridiculously large food packages we used to get from Costco(he used to call himself a Butcher cutting up our supply of meat; ironic seeing that he butchered my heart for a time.) But he was most preoccupied with the size of his dick.  Are most guys?  Just like girls are obsessed with the size of their boobs.  I know I am.  Because as I've said before, one element of sex is biology.  We are pre-programmed to want to find a mate, to be attracted to the pheromones of others, to procreate. But it's when we deviate from these desires that things can get a little fucked up.  People cheat, they have affairs, they act in the heat of the moment, and the consequences have repercussions; a domino effect on the ...

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I am a Child of the 80s.   I grew up in an era where we swam in rivers, made dams in the middle of a stream, and built sandcastles on the beach.   It was the best of times. But everyone has to grow up.   And I did.   I became -quoting Britney here-a girl, then a woman.   Now I'm -quoting Little Britain, a lady!   I'm 36 years old.   And yet sometimes I yearn for the long hot summers where I had no other responsibilities than what hat to wear, and which friend was my best friend that day.   What can I say, I had-still do- a lot of friends. We've become a culture obsessed with smartphones, with technology, and having it all.   I remember in Friends when Chandler, Joey, and Ross realise they are getting older when they go out to a club and finds the music too loud and just want a hot drink at the end of the night.   I feel like that sometimes. I went out last night, to a Metal Night at T...

I had a counselling session the other day.   It was the first one for a number of weeks, for various reasons.   The NHS has really let me down   this year.   I know we are lucky to have it, but there have been huge failings by my GP surgery, and the Mental Health team.   To be frank with you, every organisation which has had a Duty of Care towards me has failed me, in one way or another. If I didn't have a superhuman inner strength, I really don't think I could have got through this. Without an amazing networks of writer friends, colleagues, friends from school and family.   I truly believe if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here right now.   You would be reading my obituary, not my blog.   I know that may be upsetting, shocking for some to read.   But back in May I was at rock bottom.   I'd had to leave my household due to domestic abuse and was living in emergency accommodation.   I was dealing with the fallout of a relatio...

I've been thinking recently about Doctor Who.  I'm a self-confessed Sci-fi geek(I blame my Dad), and was talking to friends tonight at Storyhouse about this.  I used to be able to name all of the Drs in chronological order(girl geek party trick), I am also a huge fan of Russell T Davies, and loved his writing on both Queer as Folk- which came at the perfect Coming of Age time for me when I was exploring sexuality for the first time-realising that I was attracted to women as well as men. I also loved Cucumber which was simply stunning writing; it brought the same issues of gender, what it means to be gay/bi/LGBT into the twenty-first century with a hard hitting, at times brutal tone. One scene I still cannot get out of my head was one which -if you watched Cucumber you'll know the one I was talking about -was where a character who everyone thinks is a nice, chirpy, easy-going guy flips out and carries out a sudden and fatal act of violence.  It still haunts me now...