The Rebel Poetess

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I am a Child of the 80s.   I grew up in an era where we swam in rivers, made dams in the middle of a stream, and built sandcastles on the beach.   It was the best of times. But everyone has to grow up.   And I did.   I became -quoting Britney here-a girl, then a woman.   Now I'm -quoting Little Britain, a lady!   I'm 36 years old.   And yet sometimes I yearn for the long hot summers where I had no other responsibilities than what hat to wear, and which friend was my best friend that day.   What can I say, I had-still do- a lot of friends. We've become a culture obsessed with smartphones, with technology, and having it all.   I remember in Friends when Chandler, Joey, and Ross realise they are getting older when they go out to a club and finds the music too loud and just want a hot drink at the end of the night.   I feel like that sometimes. I went out last night, to a Metal Night at T...

I had a counselling session the other day.   It was the first one for a number of weeks, for various reasons.   The NHS has really let me down   this year.   I know we are lucky to have it, but there have been huge failings by my GP surgery, and the Mental Health team.   To be frank with you, every organisation which has had a Duty of Care towards me has failed me, in one way or another. If I didn't have a superhuman inner strength, I really don't think I could have got through this. Without an amazing networks of writer friends, colleagues, friends from school and family.   I truly believe if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here right now.   You would be reading my obituary, not my blog.   I know that may be upsetting, shocking for some to read.   But back in May I was at rock bottom.   I'd had to leave my household due to domestic abuse and was living in emergency accommodation.   I was dealing with the fallout of a relatio...

I've been thinking recently about Doctor Who.  I'm a self-confessed Sci-fi geek(I blame my Dad), and was talking to friends tonight at Storyhouse about this.  I used to be able to name all of the Drs in chronological order(girl geek party trick), I am also a huge fan of Russell T Davies, and loved his writing on both Queer as Folk- which came at the perfect Coming of Age time for me when I was exploring sexuality for the first time-realising that I was attracted to women as well as men. I also loved Cucumber which was simply stunning writing; it brought the same issues of gender, what it means to be gay/bi/LGBT into the twenty-first century with a hard hitting, at times brutal tone. One scene I still cannot get out of my head was one which -if you watched Cucumber you'll know the one I was talking about -was where a character who everyone thinks is a nice, chirpy, easy-going guy flips out and carries out a sudden and fatal act of violence.  It still haunts me now...

Very brief post(hopefully.)  Yesterday brought a new month and coming soon the start of a new season -autumn in the UK. My cousin Magnificent M, and her fella P, live in New Zealand.  They are desperate for me to move out there. I am extremely tempted, with my qualifications and work experience I should score really highly on the skilled Migrant list.  Just gotta save some dollars first, I'm thinking like two years time?  It's a pipe dream anyway. But enough about me, how are you doing?  Currently sat in the gym cafe eating Overnight Oats after an Abs Blast class.  Compare to a year ago I was probably cooking a Roast and munching on Percy Pigs -what kind of monster have I become?! In all seriousness, I never would have guessed a year ago I would no longer be with my ex-boyfriend, that he would break up with me in the middle of the night when I was having an asthma attack, that I would have to leave the household due to three incidents of domestic ...

I had a really happy childhood. It was a typical childhood of the 80s. Playing in rivers. Making dams. Swimming in the sea. Feeling the sand under my feet.  I was a sickly child but I was always happy.  I grew used to the Drs appointments and the hospital visits. My attitude was always to just get on with it and keep smiling. But the adulthood has been extremely unhappy. Two long term relationships. Both abusive. Other trauma.  Big deal. Who hasn't been through shit in their lives?  Because life isn't about things being rosy all the time. What family isn't dysfunctional, Because I know one who is. The Royal Family. Maybe that's why the world is captivated by them. They fuck up in public. Prince Philip always puts his foot in it. Fergie is always embarrassing The Royals. The black sheep of the family. Well we know what happened to Princess Di. What the new generation of Royals have done for Mental Health is nothing short of superhuman. Because people aren't afr...

Oh hey there...how ae ya doing?  I know I said I'd write every week. But life kinda got in the way.  My favourite kind of happenings. Hoping for this to be a quick post, but ya know me, doesn't often happen.  I do like to waffle on a little ;-) Quick update first.  Had a few mental health wobbles the last few weeks.  Without going into more detail, there were two main causes.  One was somebody skinny shaming me online.  I have lost a lot of weight very quickly. But I have also been working with a personal trainer to get stronger again very slowly and sensibly, as well as educating myself about nutrition.  I have a habit of going from 0-60 in life and trying to be more a balanced and laid back person. All I have to say about that is people should really think about the impact their words can have. Bullying is never ok, online or face to face. The second one was when a so called friend sent me completely unsolicited messages which were ...