Little Red

Oh hey there...how ae ya doing?  I know I said I'd write every week. But life kinda got in the way.  My favourite kind of happenings.

Hoping for this to be a quick post, but ya know me, doesn't often happen.  I do like to waffle on a little ;-)

Quick update first.  Had a few mental health wobbles the last few weeks.  Without going into more detail, there were two main causes.  One was somebody skinny shaming me online.  I have lost a lot of weight very quickly. But I have also been working with a personal trainer to get stronger again very slowly and sensibly, as well as educating myself about nutrition.  I have a habit of going from 0-60 in life and trying to be more a balanced and laid back person. All I have to say about that is people should really think about the impact their words can have. Bullying is never ok, online or face to face.

The second one was when a so called friend sent me completely unsolicited messages which were so abusive and nasty they completely broke me. That's what unhappy people do. They take their most hated personality traits and try to  project them onto you.  Needless to say I have no qualms about blocking abusive people and cutting them out of my life permanently.

So, enough about me for now. How have you been?

Current affairs news stories which have grabbed me recently have been the repeal the 8th success in Ireland. I have been lucky enough to have never had cause to consider an abortion. I know many are against them. For me, it's personal choice. because until you're in that position, with that double blue line on that pregnancy test, you never know what your gut tells you.  I just know that the thought of women travelling on boats, in choppy waters, with stomach swirling sickness, to take probably the hardest decision of their lives, makes me very sad. They need support not judgement. I believe in the right to choose. Because our bodies are not public property.

The next news story which has been on my mind has been the anniversary of the London terror attacks. I was actually in London last year five days before the attack. I was struck by the resilient spirit and buoyancy of Londners. I have never spent a lot of time in London, but whenever I have I have loved it. Camden, Covent Garden, and Carnaby Street are my spiritual homes. When the story came on the news I sobbed my little heart out. I was uncontrollable. My whole body shook. I felt ridiculous. I didn't know anyone affected. Why was I so inconsolable? Because when you think about it, we have become so conditioned to hearing about terrorism, and dismissing it as just another attack.  But when it's on your own front door, you have to wake up and smell the coffee. A year has passed. Londoners are still going. I love Londoners. They are cheeky, chirpy, and take no prisoners. But we must never forget. Because it's when we forget that we become complacent, and that's when accidents happen.

Well, as usual, I've got sidetracked from what I wanted to write about today.  Recently I've been going through a bit of a reinvention. Got a whole new wardrobe from a charity shop.  Figure hugging, curve clinging, fabulous vintage finds on display. The clothes I always dreamed of being able to wear. Of having the self belief  to think I could carry them off. And with a reinvention comes a new haircut.  I decided to go ombre/pink.  For years I've had my hair dyed red, as I hated my roots. Well for one reason or another, by the time my appointment came round, the dye was completely grown out. And you know what. I kind of liked my roots. I forgot what they looked like. After years of hating myself I was starting to like who I was again, In my core. The person I was first thing in the morning, before I put on my make up, my visible shield to the world.

And the other thing essential to who I am-don't know why this is so hard to type -is that as well as being attracted to men, I am attracted to women. Because actually, I fall in love really easily. I can meet someone and form such a connection that I fall in love with them instantly. That's not to say it lasts. Some of my most powerful love affairs have been fast, intense, and burnt out quickly.  So yes, in case you needed me to make it any clearer, I am bi. My closest friends and family already know this. I never felt able to come out at work as Bi. I thought girls would think I fancied them all. And I would get comments like 'oh you're greedy liking both.' I know right!  But seriously, what makes me who I am is that I try to see the good in everyone. And that's why I fall in love with practically everyone I meet. It might just be for thirty seconds. But it counts.

But actually, real love, true love, movie love, spans continents. It traverses time zones. It isn't about a girl loving a boy, a boy loving a boy, a girl loving a girl. Because when you think about it, love is about a human being falling in love with another human being. And gender and sexuality aren't actually relevant. I am lucky enough to live in a country where I can come out as Bi and not fear for my life, or being slated at work by homophobic colleagues.

Far the opposite actually My employer is pretty groundbreaking in the measures they have in place to enable LGBT employees to be supported at work.  I am lucky. I am a little shaky pressing 'publish' on this though.

So, the pink hair. It was about more than dye, it was about self expression. And finally fnding my voice. And that, my friends, is the greatest feeling ever. Kind of like being in love. So that's me for today. And I said I wouldn't waffle!

Thanks so much for the support on the blog. I don't know how it's happened. I just know I'm rolling with it. Have a good Monday loves.

Current mood:

Music: All the Lovers

Beauty: Beauty Flash Balm

Book: The Rain in Portugal

Drink: Espresso

Travel: Meandering around the canals and curious corners with the city as my date

Dreaming about the next tattoo http://www.crownofthornstattoo.co.uk/artists/ Just be aware Crown of Thorns has moved guys from where it used to be when i got my first tattoo back in July.