Wasting Light

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As you may know, this year I moved three times in six months.  Moving in itself is stressful enough, when you're going through the trauma of the break up of  a ten year relationship, and major health issues- well to use a cliché the straw that breaks the camel's back.

With all three moves, I had very little time to prepare.  In a weird way, this was the best approach for me.  When you have anxiety, the slightest thing can cause your heart rate to rocket.  An invitation to a party, giving a presentation at work, even a car backfiring can make you leap out of your skin.

The first move was...for a writer I'm lost for words.  Chaotic.  I had made the decision to move but only had three hours to pack up what was most precious to me, and run for the hills, metaphorically speaking.  The second was super easy and practically stress free.

The third move, however, has been extremely stressful.  I didn't move very far, but I have had to change Drs practices, I moved from furnished to unfurnished, and my outgoings have more than doubled.

Having said all that, I'm happy in my home.  It needs doing up, but there's no rush. 'These  things take time' is the very simple but invaluable advice my friend Khalamitous K-another one!-gave me.  I've never been able to decorate, well, have my own say in paint colours, furniture, wall art before. It's super exciting actually.  A chance to put my stamp on the place.

Because it doesn't matter if you own your home or not. Huge respect to those of you who own your homes, but it's never been something I've aspired to. Not in the UK anyway.  In Europe people rent, in Barcelona, Paris, Rome.  In modern life we have an obsession with Keeping up with the Joneses.  With having the biggest TV, the designer handbag, the flashiest car.  So what do you do when you have those things?  Does all the stuff really make you happy?

My ex-boyfriend sold 40 bags of my stuff over the summer.  To this day I still haven't had any money for it. I'm having to go through solicitors for this.  The majority of it was clothes, shoes, bags, make=up, my old laptop, a digital camera.

But the possession I'm saddest about losing isn't worth a huge amount of money.  The sentimental value is huge.  It's a Billy Collins poetry book I got from Shakespeare and Company bookshop-AKA the best bookshop I have ever been to- in Paris. It was stamped by the shop and they had also given me a bookmark.  I had the original receipt inside it.

But I have had to let it go.  Because if you hold onto stuff, if you harbour anger and hate it consumes you.  I do get angry sometimes.  You don't get to run a bulldozer through my life and get away with it.  But justice will come.  It may take months, it could take years.

Because karma is powerful.  I saved a spider the other day.  I'm scared of spiders. But I can't justify killing one of nature's creatures.

One thing I've found in my home is I'm too short to reach the light fittings- had to ask the gas man to put the lightbulb on my kitchen!   I need a step ladder.  When I viewed the flat I fell in love with it instantly.  I was wearing my little black dress, and my Wonder Woman Converse.  I was in a bit of a rush as was off to work afterwards.

One thing that struck me immediately was tonnes of natural light.  I also couldn't miss the huge, brand new kitchen. Perfect for creating my culinary masterpieces.  As I said, it needs decorating. But I had enough creative vision to see past that.

I could see the light.  As I've been typing this, the sun has come up.  Adele is playing on my iPod, and I'm wearing my Unicorn onesie -heating's still broken!  But there's a warm glow in my heart, and my soul.

Happy Weekend loves

Namaste


Reading: Pretty Honest, Sali Hughes.  My Beauty Bible!

Watching; The World go by

Beauty: Garnier BB Cream; great for a light base as my skin is quite dehydrated at the moment

Food: Slow cooker meals...comfort food

Drink: Chocolate milk(dairy free of course)

Travel: To work and back, and the gym!

Current obsession: A cacophony of colour -reds, pinks, purples -just like the beautiful autumn leaves



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