Dying to be Skinny; why my Eating Disorder Diagnosis came as a relief
I have something to tell you. You might find it
upsetting. You may be a little shocked. I'm not going to beat about the bush(no pun intended.) During my counselling session this week I had a bit of an epiphany. It was something I'd always wondered about myself, and deep down knew was always an issue for me.
I'm just going to come out and say it. My counsellor thinks I have an eating disorder. That may be upsetting for you to read, or come as no surprise to others who have seen me over the last six months. I've always had issues with food and body size. In our family, half of us seem to have skinny genes, and the other half have more tendency to put on weight.
The eating disorder I would say I most identify with is Anorexia Nervosa. In April I was hardly eating. I was physically weak and unable to work due to this. Under Domestic Abusive, this comes under Coercive Control; Serious Affect in the eyes of the Law. I was like a walking skeleton. Literally Size Zero. There were factors such as money issues, and being in a non stable home environment.
But really those are just excuses. The only thing I could control was the food I put into my mouth. I was unable to exercise. The more weight I lost the more compliments I got. I got a lot of attention from guys. Requests for bikini shots. But I don't do that anymore. I'm trying not to repeat unhealthy behaviours and patterns.
I posted a super short bikini video a few weeks ago. I knew if I was going to post a bikini shot it would be on my terms, in a way I felt said what I wanted to say. It had the desired affect.
In the past, I've over exercised, swung from eating salad all the time to binging on ice-cream. No middle ground. So the last six months I've educated myself about nutrition. Changed my diet, reprogrammed my tastebuds. Been working with a personal trainer. Only done gentle exercise like yoga, body conditioning. I went to my first Tai Chi class last week and loved it.
Because the foundations of a healthy lifestyle are very simple. You don't need to starve yourself. You don't need to feel guilty about eating a chocolate bar sometimes. But you do need to wake up and smell the fucking coffee. Sorry to swear.
Aren't we all a little disordered sometimes? Don't we all have bad patterns? It's like Russell Brand says in his book 'Recovery', are you a bit fucked? Well I'm fifty shades of fucked up. And I'm OK with it. I'm facing it. I'm accepting the help. I'm in Recovery.
How about you?
I'm just going to come out and say it. My counsellor thinks I have an eating disorder. That may be upsetting for you to read, or come as no surprise to others who have seen me over the last six months. I've always had issues with food and body size. In our family, half of us seem to have skinny genes, and the other half have more tendency to put on weight.
The eating disorder I would say I most identify with is Anorexia Nervosa. In April I was hardly eating. I was physically weak and unable to work due to this. Under Domestic Abusive, this comes under Coercive Control; Serious Affect in the eyes of the Law. I was like a walking skeleton. Literally Size Zero. There were factors such as money issues, and being in a non stable home environment.
But really those are just excuses. The only thing I could control was the food I put into my mouth. I was unable to exercise. The more weight I lost the more compliments I got. I got a lot of attention from guys. Requests for bikini shots. But I don't do that anymore. I'm trying not to repeat unhealthy behaviours and patterns.
I posted a super short bikini video a few weeks ago. I knew if I was going to post a bikini shot it would be on my terms, in a way I felt said what I wanted to say. It had the desired affect.
In the past, I've over exercised, swung from eating salad all the time to binging on ice-cream. No middle ground. So the last six months I've educated myself about nutrition. Changed my diet, reprogrammed my tastebuds. Been working with a personal trainer. Only done gentle exercise like yoga, body conditioning. I went to my first Tai Chi class last week and loved it.
Because the foundations of a healthy lifestyle are very simple. You don't need to starve yourself. You don't need to feel guilty about eating a chocolate bar sometimes. But you do need to wake up and smell the fucking coffee. Sorry to swear.
Aren't we all a little disordered sometimes? Don't we all have bad patterns? It's like Russell Brand says in his book 'Recovery', are you a bit fucked? Well I'm fifty shades of fucked up. And I'm OK with it. I'm facing it. I'm accepting the help. I'm in Recovery.
How about you?
Books: The Good Gut Guide, Michael Mosley
Magazines: Women's Health
Music: The Manic Street Preachers; 4st 7lb
Beauty: Bourjois sculpt highlighter; perfect if like
me you have skin paler than snow
Food: Not enough clearly
Drink: Kenco Millicano
Travel: Route 66(in my head anyway)
Current obsession: Suicide Squad
Word of the day: Perspicacious; having quick mental
insight
Independent Chester recommendation: Marmalade;
incredible gluten free range, and they do dairy free milkshakes!
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